Emotions, friendships, meltdowns, and the importance of keeping God close

For if I should want to boast, I would not be foolish—for I will speak the truth. But I refrain, so that no one may think more of me than what he sees in me or hears from me— even in the extraordinary quality of the revelations. So that I would not exalt myself, a thorn in the flesh was given to me—a messenger of satan to torment me, so I would not exalt myself. I pleaded with the Lord three times about this, that it might leave me. But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses, so that the power of Messiah may dwell in me. For Messiah’s sake, then, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in distresses, in persecutions, in calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (1 Cor. 12:6-10, TLV)

As of late, I hate Asperger’s, it feels like a curse more than a blessing. Unchecked emotions, not knowing how to gauge them correctly. Which brings on a muddled perspective on situations as well as relationships, I hate this aspect of my life! It makes it difficult to pick up on social cues, to manage emotions, or say the right things. It has been turning me into a recluse, sending a bazillion texts to my closest friends because I’m not coping well. I’m at the point where I’d love to be like one of the Coptic Orthodox hermits in Egypt and completely isolate myself from everyone for their benefit and for mine. 

These ware my feelings yesterday while journalling. This is what God showed me in my journalling:

I know God gives us more than we can handle because in our weakness  His strength is perfected, but sometimes I feel like Job and question God instead of resting in Him. I’m allowing my mind to go off into an unhealthy thought pattern— one that satan loves to use— and from there I go into a full on meltdown.

How I would love to be “normal”, not having the added stresses and issues that come from being an aspie, but that is not my reality. I am fearfully and wonderfully made in His image, and in Him I have all that I need. His grace is sufficient enough for me and He gives me His perfect strength for my weakness. Paul prayed three times for the thorn to be removed, he was told that Yeshua’s grace was sufficient for him and in Paul’s weakness Messiah’s strength would be perfected in him.

Emotions are great if they’re controlled, they’re a struggle if you’re an aspie. Asperger’s to me, is akin to the thorn in Paul’s flesh. Paul didn’t want it, but it was something God used in his life and ministry. I don’t want to be on the spectrum, but I am and it’s something I will have for life.
It will not be easy at times, and sometimes it will feel impossible, but I must remember God’s grace is more than enough for me, and that His strength is perfected in my weakness. I must also realize that just because I struggle with all the stuff that comes with an ASD diagnosis, doesn’t mean I cannot overcome aspects of being on the spectrum. 

Grace is there for us and it affects in us change where we’re no longer the same. The cause and effect of grace is an amazing thing, finding a good Christian counsellor is part of how His grace is worked out in our lives to affect change in us. I’ve finally started to go for counselling, and I know it will help, in fact it already has started to help. Journalling also helps, as does having an amazing core group of friends (close friends).

A word about having a group of close friends. They love you, no matter what!! However this doesn’t mean you can constantly text them, when it would be better to journal, go on a walk, or do something to calm yourself down. If you’re having a meltdown my suggestion is this, STAY AWAY FROM ALL DEVICES (phone, tablet, or computer), so that the desire to send your friends a bazillion texts (if you’re like me, you know what I’m talking about)— I apologize to my friends who are reading this, who’ve endured this from me— and instead journal and/or pray. Start realizing what emotions you’re dealing with and begin to work on healthy ways to deal with them. We who live on the spectrum don’t have it easy, but thanks to God Who has given us all sufficient grace and perfects His strength in us through Messiah!

one of the great preachers from the nineteenth century, Charles Spurgeon said:
“All the world cannot satisfy you;

Our dearest friends cannot satisfy you;

But the Lord Jesus Christ can satisfy you to the full!”

Having a great core group of friends that want you to be apart of their life, and you to be apart of their life, who know your struggles with ASD bit don’t let that be a barrier from a close friendship  is great. Just remember don’t hold them to standards that Yeshua alone can fulfill! I’m thankful for Bryce, Ben, Gord and Elysia, and Emilio and Emily, but they’re not my saviours, and I’m guilty of treating as such! They’re my brothers and sisters, they love me, and want to walk alongside me, but they cannot do it all! Yeshua is the only one who saves me. He gave me these amazing saints to be my friends, not my saviours. “What a friend we have in Jesus, all our griefs and sins to bear!”Our first call must be on Yeshua, as the Psalm 120:1 states, “In my trouble I called out to Adonai, and He answered me.” (TLV) “What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!” There is no greater joy, no greater peace, no greater sense of love than to be in His presence! Paul wrote:
“Do not be lagging in zeal; be fervent in spirit. Keep serving the Lord, rejoicing in hope, enduring in distress, persisting in prayer…” (Rom. 12: 11-12, TLV)

He also wrote:
“Pray in the Ruach (Spirit) on every occasion, with all kinds of prayers and requests.” (Eph. 6:18, TLV)

We are all called to pray without ceasing, it is how we yoke ourselves to the Prince of Peace. As the first verse of the hymn concludes, “Oh, what peace we often forfeit, oh what needless pain we bear, all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer!” (What A Friend We Have In Jesus, Joseph Scriven)

To summarize:

We may feel that ASD is a thorn, but we must remember His grace and His strength will be with us. His grace will change us, and in our weakness His strength will move in. Find a Christian counsellor, they’re great resources for change.

Journal things out, it helps a lot.

Keep a core group of friends, but remember they’re not Yeshua.

Seek Yeshua first.

Avoid all devices if you feel a meltdown coming on, and ALWAYS PRAY!

Have a great weekend!